I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey, this is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn babe. Finally, I. When I got there, it was hard to find a place to park. I ended up parking at a church a block away. Alice and Amy met me at the door, melting into my arms and crying like the little girls she had raised. Miguel, his wife, and Michael’s wife had him wrapped up and I saw his shoulder vibrating. Grandma Vasquez was there, sitting quietly in Celia’s bedroom beside the body of her best friend for forty years, tears leaking down.I walked in and sat beside her, taking her hand. I looked at Celia, amazed at how peaceful she looked.“The authorities have been notified and the funeral home is on the way. She’s already prepaid everything and has named you executor of her will. Celia was always proud to be able to take care of herself and never wanted to be a bother to anyone.”Tina broke down then, huge sobs that subsided to soft sniffles as the minutes passed. She pushed away from my chest with a determined face. “I will be strong, because that was what she would want. But at night or when I’m.
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